Things I want for Christmas, Six months early.

A fat, Mexican girlfriend.

Vests (2).

A wheelchair.

Guitar Hero 3.

Roundtrip airfare to Mecca.

Bullets.

Socks.

L. Ron Hubbard books.

A dad.

Acid (LSD).

Enough money to pay child support.

New TV.

PS3.

Lint rollers (a lot).

Tha Carter III.

A colonic.

King-size Kit Kat.

Jordans.

Estes model rocket.

MacBook Pro.

Facial hair.

Condoms.